So, I gradually lost the joy of drawing by hand, starting about twenty years ago.

I really enjoyed drawing as a teenager and ended up going to art school where it became an important part of my identity. But as I grew older, I realized that I was not nearly productive enough (or good enough) to make a living as an artist. So, I drifted towards a more practical use of my visual skills, ending up in graphic design, advertising and web design, which became my profession for a number of successful years.

Then came the burnout.

It was around 2013 when I had to take a break from it all. I had also developed a deep hatred for UI-graphics and computer-generated imagery. But after the money ran out, I ended up founding an advertisement agency anyway. Doing commercial marketing graphics again took the last joy out of drawing.

After the advertisement agency thing turned out to be unsustainable, I figured I would do cold hard digital services for a living and draw only for myself, from here on. Or so I thought… It turned out to be really hard getting started with my own art projects.

The visual design part kept popping up at work too, not in a bad way this time. A bit of visual design went nicely with service design in the field of social welfare.

Getting back on the horse

So, I started with a coloring book just to get the feel of holding a pen / marker in my hand again. I was weird, it felt stupid, but it helped. After a few pages I had to do something slightly more me. And, as luck would have it, I had a drawer full of twenty-year-old little black and white drawings.

I started coloring my old drawings, and that took me on an immersive journey through the years back to the time and thoughts I had when I last really enjoyed drawing.

Letting go in order to move on

As much as I liked coloring old doodles, it did not give me anything new. It only reminded me of things that had been forgotten. The real brake through came at a random meeting at work. I spontaneously introduced myself as a FORMER graphic designer. And just like that, I was free. The pressure and guilt of not being a good enough artist/designer was gone. I suddenly realized that it was no longer a part of my identity, nor was I dependent on being a productive artist.

From here on out

Nowadays I try to focus on the process, not the outcome. I like exploring and experimenting, leaving room for mistakes and spontaneity. I set small achievable goals, and find inspiration and ideas all around me in my normal life. I have only recently started sharing some of my pictures. I had to be careful not to aim to please others, as it may affect the process and ruin the joy.

So, now I decided to start this blog for the hows-and-whys. A bit about the process and technique, as well as the reasoning behind the pictures and some reflections about the ongoing journey.

It is time to share the joy.

Enjoy!